Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior used by the abuser to gain or maintain control over the victim. Domestic violence is very complex and can be hard to understand, especially when you believe that your loved one is being hurt. But, your loved one is the expert on her own life and what she needs to stay as safe as possible. You can help by supporting your loved one’s decisions and not pressuring her to do what you think is best. Express that you care about her and that you believe that no one deserves to be hurt.
- Let her know that you are concerned for her safety. Help your friend or family member recognize the abuse. Tell her you see what is going on and that you want to help and that you believe it is not “normal”. Let her know that you believe that she deserves a healthy, non-violent relationship. Focus on behaviors (ex: “I saw him grab your arm”); do not insult her partner (ex: “He’s a jerk”).
- Acknowledge that she is in a very difficult and scary situation. Let your friend or family member know that the abuse is not their fault. Reassure her that she is not alone and that there is help and support available. Have your local domestic violence organization’s information to give to her.
- Be supportive. Listen to your friend or family member. Remember that it may be difficult for her to talk about the abuse. Let her know that you are available to help whenever she may need it. What she needs most is someone who will believe her and listen to her. Ask her what she thinks might help her stay safer.
- Don’t judge her decisions. There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. She may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize her decisions or try to guilt her into leaving. She will need your support even more during those times. Respect your friend or family member’s decisions.
- Encourage her to stay connected with friends and family.
- If she ends the relationship, continue to be supportive of her. Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. She will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.
- Encourage her to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. Find a local domestic violence agency that provides counseling or support groups. Offer to go with her to talk to family and friends. Here in Summit County, they can call Advocates for Victims of Assault, Inc. (970)668-3906.
Please call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 to discuss your concerns and questions.
The US Department of Justice estimates that more than 90% of all relationship violence victims are female and most abusers are male. For that reason, this website uses “she” when referring to victims and “he” when referring to abusers. However, whether the victim is male or female, violence of any kind is unacceptable in relationships. Male victims of domestic violence should contact their local domestic violence program or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
